I've faced my fears.
I've come back to Venice after a year. I was so nervous about coming back, worried that I wouldn't be able to accept the fact that I had ever left for good. I often returned, hoping that that way of life could be picked up as easily as it was at the beginning. But then last year broke away a large bond with Venice and I haven't been able to face her until now.
But I'm okay. Last year when I was leaving, every street made me nostalgic and churned my stomach up into a sick feeling of sadness and regret of the fact that I wouldn't live here and Venice wasn't right for me. You told me I didn't belong here right now. You said "darling, Venice is a place to go but not a place to be." I refused to listen to you and couldn't accept the fact that perhaps you were right.
But now I walk down the streets with a sense of awe and amazement, admiring how the green water reflects the buildings in an incredible way, how that palace is even more beautiful then ever, how those musicians seem even more talented and your glass of wine still only costs 1 euro.
You told me Venice is a fish, however I see Venice as a huge rich dark chocolate cake. If you had never tried chocolate in your life you would never miss it, but since you know the sweet richness of it you always crave it. So you have a slice and it's amazing. Your spoon slides neatly into the first mouthful and the inside of your cheeks tingle and make you smile. Once you finished the first slice you want more. So you have another slice and it's still delicious. But then you start eating it all with a spoon and you can't stop. So you keep going until all the cake is finished. You feel sick. You hate the cake and you hate yourself for eating it. If you ate the huge chocolate cake every day you'd be ill and you'd feel terrible. In order to really appreciate it's goodness, you need to have it once in a while and then leave it until you crave it again.
When you were my age, you sang a song called "A place to go". I was thinking about that song today and realised that you must have felt the same way as I do now. You were searching for it too, that place "where you'll be free". Have you found it yet?
I think I've found my place to go. A place out of this mad world. A place where people aren't elbowing you out of the way but instead inviting you to walk beside them. A place where you can be totally at peace. A place to go but not to be.
How good do I feel to finally accept this.
You singing "A place to go"